Humourous Quotes
Humourous Quote of the day
Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.
Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.
Words can be meaningless. If they are used in such a way that no sharp conclusions can be drawn.
She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.
You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.
Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.
Many feel that writers are a dime a dozen, so the goal is to break through and make it to the value of a penny.
You are not a murderer. I find it difficult to think of that as a personality flaw.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers.
He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.
It sounded somewhat doom-laden, so I felt obliged to look it up more thoroughly, in case I should eat some chocolate rather quickly.
Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?
I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.
I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.
If that's the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake, " Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, "I'm all for fighting tyranny and oppression.
Monkeying around with other apes, a monkey was made - called, HUMAN. God is great!
Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.
Honestly I don't know why i have these parties""Because of your cat""That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort
Patrick Kenzie asking a bemused waitress for a newspaper in smalltown USA. 'It’s like a homepage without a scroll button?
The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him."So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.
Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.
People who talk too much are tiresome, especially those who are not informative, thought-provoking, or funny.
Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Patriot Act" In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.
The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.
One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around.
...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.