Joke Quotes

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.

You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.

After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.

Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.

If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).

To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.

Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.

One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.

Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.

Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.

Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.

We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.

Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.

We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.

I don't have a thing, " Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles, " she said.

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.

Insurances are like very expensive flat rates, except that you have to live by their rules in hope to get back a small share of your money.

There is no better taste than this: someone else's laughter in your mouth.

Getting some redecorating ideas?’ Nico asked. ‘Maybe you could do your dining room in mediaeval monk skulls.’ Hades arched an eyebrow. ‘I can never tell when you’re joking.

Everyone says "i will never" and "one should never" but, actually, "No one can Resist Miss-using Power (at-least ones) when they have it".

The world was a bad joke dreamed up by the Almighty on an off-day. I've always felt myself that he probably had a hangover that morning.

More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give.

Just when you see a kid selling a mascot, If you don't buy it because he winks, Not only that will be considered a "boycott", Xenophobically, it will also be a jinx!

Time is ticking, and your online twinkling is limited.

There was no sudden twists or ups and downs, just stories of that person's everyday life. The theme was "growing old". There were no beautiful wo

What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Well, enough of this introspection. It’s depressing, quite frankly.

If you can’t laugh at your life, then your life is a punchline in a bad joke.

Thanks. Seriously, you must have better things to do with your life than waste it on the hopeless?''I've already learned Parseltongue. What else is there?''Elvish.

Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo