Joke Quotes

People will say, "there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell.

You should write a book, " Matrick suggested.Kit snorted. "Who wants to read the self-pitying lamentations of an old revenant?""There's your title right there, " said Ganelon.

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

It is easy to launch a project if you have no clue about the cost and schedule.

Kindness and love, love and kindness.. You can't have one without the other.. Kindness and love go hand-in-hand.

Just a little drop of kindness can water a whole garden.

Always do your best to be loving and kind to others.

Just a little loving kindness is sometimes all anyone really needs.

UFO is a joke when there ain't mystery in the sky.

For the advice in a joke is sometimes more useful than the most serious teaching.

Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don’t even ask.

Horror can damage your brain" - HAHAHAHA the best joke ever heard (It was said by GreenHollyWood". I really don't believe in that in case I use them to relax!

I was not born with English in my pocket.

Sometimes When You Are Serious, People Thought You Were Joking, But Sometimes When You Are Joking, People Thought You Were Serious

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die.

Its crazy when people of high moral standards, feel its okay for an intimate friend to insult them in a jovial way, forgeting that even casual friends can do just the same in a jovial way.

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.

For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

-I am alergic to these flowers.-I know.

CUSTOMER: I’m always on night shift at work.BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you’re buying so many vampire novels?CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

You can't deal with being odd?...Become like them...Become drug delear...Live their lifes... have fun...and be honest...

Kell managed an echo of her smile, and [Lila] gasped. "What's that on your face?"The smile vanished. "What?""Never mind, " she said, laughing. "It's gone.

Smile and laugh... Laugh and smile... Laugh and smile every day

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.

We end up kissing her for an hour, and her lips are so soft they are almost like a joke.

True love knows no boundaries.

I never was so immensely tickled by anything I had ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook.

Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.

Dat's a some joke, Hey Boss.

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime.

When we perceive aliens as a joke to be laughed at, they feel so pity for us on the success of their plans.

I'll only go if there's cake.~Tobias "Four

I'm financially ugly.

A good joke doesn’t necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one’s own deserving jokes.

Trying to be offensive for the sole purpose of being offensive should always deem one the least offensive of offenders.

You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences.

The biggest irony in the history of India is the term, "Muslim Personal Law."Law of the land could never be personal.

You said "Hi", I to be polite will say "Bye"!

The only good thing about people not taking me seriously is that I'm not serious myself!

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

There is never a bad joke, it's adressing to a wrong audience that makes it look bad!

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun!

. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.

Creating a complete picture of a company financial health, by looking at periodic financial statements, is like turning a hamburger into a cow

You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.

- I'm a Neuroscientist.- What's that? What do you study?- I study your brain!

If someone loves sweet things and constantly eats angel´s hair tartlets should this be diagnosed as having some sort of heavenly trichotillomania?

All life is a jest, Imhotep - and it is death who laughs last. Do you not hear it at every feast? Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die.