Jokes Quotes

Jokes Quote of the day

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.

They can crack jokes. They can sit back and analyze and criticize and make all the fun they want. But I'm living my life, I'm doing it. What are you doing?

The Mexican...is familiar with death. [He] jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and his most steadfast love.

When you can make others laugh with jokes that belittle no one and your words always unite, Hafiz will vote for you to be God.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn't know what to do with me.

You should not take prayer too seriously. There is something playful about God. You only have to look at a penguin ... to realize that He likes to play little jokes on creatures.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

Here’s my most funniest joke, I’m broke.

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer. Women have to make jokes about themselves, laugh about themselves, because they have nothing to lose.

Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

In real life I'm the type of girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm very serious when it comes to work, but I like to make jokes and have a good laugh and make fun of myself.

As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that no one ever stopped me, and now I can do that for a living.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Comedians get jokes offered to them, rock stars get women and underwear thrown onstage, and I get guys that want to take me fishing.

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!

And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke?

The good Lord in his ultimate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable: hope, jokes, and dogs, but the greatest of these was dogs.

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

A symphony is no joke.

I was hurt so deep that I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made jokes about anybody's big ears, their stut-terin', or about them bein' off their nut.

Fate does not play jokes.

Desegregation is a joke.

Laughter is the only tenable attitude in a universe which is a joke played on itself.

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

Even the gods love jokes.

Everyone seems to think I'm very ladylike. That I'm very cultured and intelligent. I drink alot of Diet Coke and belch. I've been known to use the F-word. I've told a few dirty jokes. I arm-wrestle.

I'm pretty goofy and I make a lot of dumb jokes - life is too short to be serious, so I guess that's how I flirt. To be honest, I think I'm too shy and reserved to be a proper old fashioned flirt.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

I like things that are immature and offbeat and bizarre. Random jokes. Weird stuff. And stupid. Stupid is the highest compliment a person can pay to me.

I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease.

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.

It's not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan.

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.