Jokes Quotes

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that?

Jack Benny, Fred Allen. Their jokes were wonderful. It takes skill to be funny. The timing of Jack Benny was so fine. It is a form of genius for which we should be grateful.

I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too.

Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

I am not so secretly a comedian. I write a lot of my own material if you've seen videos I've done. I write jokes.

I see myself as a huge dork that laughs at my own jokes and forgets to shower sometimes.

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.

I had to keep the text pretty spare compared to what I would typically do in a picture book. My picture books have a lot of little jokes and asides that aren't necessarily part of the main story.

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

His whole personality was like an elaborate joke that he never stopped telling.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there.

I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, Another box arrived! Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales.

Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.

Don't worry, Mrs. Colder. For the most part, we keep him leashed and gagged. We only let him free when the cute little animal jokes are needed. ~Sherra Callahan (on Kane Tyler)~

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

There were always jokes about Hillary Clinton channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, but Eleanor Roosevelt was really instrumental at the UN, and would want to meet with various other delegates.

I never was shy, but as far as telling jokes, I'm the worst. I like physical comedy; it's where I feel comfortable.

I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out.

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

I like to joke that Inhofe is as far left as I'll go for an employer.

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move.

I like to respond with jokes and to keep it as light as possible.

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.

I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It stretches me I don't care I catch jokes and luck from tall thin blue air

My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

You don't make stupid jokes in art.

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

Patriotism is a joke in the UK.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

Water jokes about the obstacles on its way; wise man jokes about the obstacles on his way!

What sort of difficulties would happen when people of different cultures try to come together to worship? Tiny little things such as let's tell jokes with each other.

On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it light.

Twitter is just a great joke laboratory. You go in there and there are so many witty people that I know any joke I make is going to have a response with at least 10 great jokes coming back.

Come. We must go deeper with no justice and no jokes.

I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes.

All of comedy at some level is trial-and-error, whether it's a stand-up trying out jokes or a comedy show trying stories.

Humor is an attitude, a survivor’s way of looking at life. It’s not about telling jokes.

Billy (Martin) was a great one for jokes. He liked to play a joke more than anyone I ever knew.

Many gamblers think they're being singled out by fate as a target for cruel jokes. They feel they alone in all the universe are being tortured, experimented upon by some unknown force.

As professionals, we just try to keep the jokes to a minimum, when we're in a certain situation. When we're not doing that, we're joking.

I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes half the battle. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone hires me.

I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.