Jokes Quotes

Donald Trump was seen for quite a long time as a punchline, the jokes about the excesses and the failures of the 1980s. And he had become, you know, a human shingle and a punchline.

At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.

He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.

Working with Preme is always a dream come true. It's never like "I'm here and I'm comfortable." It's always like that very first time. It's a lot of jokes being cracked and we have a lot of fun.

It would drive the photographers crazy because I would giggle and tell jokes. I was gregarious, and looking back, I realize I had a captive audience.

Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing.

I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare.

I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or people who cannot fight back. That is my limitation.

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

We actually talked about Adam Sandler during the creation of 'Trolls,' because he does know how to time jokes.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

In one decade, women had gotten more protection against offensive jokes in the workplace than men had gotten in centuries against being killed in the workplace.

If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned.

There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.

There are always a lot of jokes and good vibes floating through the studio so tattooing all day doesn't feel like a job. It's rewarding to see my clients as excited as I am.

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!

It has been my experience that, even when a man has a sense of humor, it only really carries him to the point where he will join in a laugh at the expense of the other fellow.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

In this storyI am the poetYou're the poetry.

We are all copy cats. The only original 'thing' is God, And "him", hell, most of us know as little as we know cats.

Why is a Christmas tree better than a man? Because it stays up, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on!

End of the SummerIt was end of the summerAnd my heart was brokenbut i was smiling, laughing, making jokesLike there was nothing bleeding insideAs always.

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

The fact that rape threats are a thing says a lot about how rape isn't a lapse in self-control but often a tool to punish & control others.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.