Jokes Quotes

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.

I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.

I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.

One of my secrets is to joke all the time.

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.

People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.

Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them.

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one...

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense. And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

Some people, they just don't get a joke.

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.

The government passed more laws to protect women from dirty jokes than to protect men from death by faulty rafters at a construction site.

[Elbowing incident] was a joke but what I want to say now is that I'm a bit sad that everyone failed to see that.

My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it.

Another day gone and no jokes.

I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.

Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.

Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

The cheesecake was smooth and lush, with the personality of a warm and well-to-do uncle who knows a hundred dirty jokes and will die of sexual exertions in the arms of his mistress.

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.

Humor [in a scene] is not jokes. It is that attitude toward being alive without which you would long ago have jumped off the 59th Street Bridge.

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

I don't want them hip white people coming up to me and calling me no n - - or telling me n - - jokes. I don't like it.

Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled.

New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally as established truths.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.

I used to always crack jokes in class. I was a good liar and a good talker. I was just good. I was my father's son. I was slick. When it comes to knowing what to say, to charm, I always had it.

Life is a joke that's just begun.

Levity is the lubricant of a crisis. We resort to jokes, pranks and good natured kidding to relieve tension, stress and boredom.

I never told a joke in my life.

Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.

I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all.

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?

Bill Clinton was doing Ku Klux Klan grand kleagel jokes at Byrd's funeral, saying, Oh, Robert C. Byrd, he used the - he was the grand kleagel. He just did what he had to do.

A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job.