Jokes Quotes

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't have any brains.... otherwise they wouldn't race.

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

The storyboard artists job is to plan out shot for shot the whole show, write all the dialog, and decide the mood, action, jokes, pacing, etc of every scene.

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

John's relationship with each of the other Beatles was different. He was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who often had him in stitches with his jokes.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong.

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.

Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one... I want to be an artist, an actress with integrity...

If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

My favorite Aggie joke? I'm sorry I don't understand the question

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I start with the joke line and write backward.

I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke.

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul.

All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes.

In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to be more than just funny, and more than just jokes about human gaseousness.

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.

I think a lot of people misinterpret what I'm doing because they think of it as just a joke or they think of it as disposable.

The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat and toil, ten per cent joy.

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did!

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

Like a ventriloquist who laughs at his dummy's jokes, I keep trying to make photographs that seduce me into believing in the image - all the time knowing better, but believing anyway.

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before.

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.