Jokes Quotes

The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did!

The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat and toil, ten per cent joy.

I think a lot of people misinterpret what I'm doing because they think of it as just a joke or they think of it as disposable.

Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.

To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to be more than just funny, and more than just jokes about human gaseousness.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

...the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy.

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. I do not believe mankind will ever develop a formula to explain this.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

I really like being able to laugh at my own jokes.

I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

Women who are not living ought to spend all their time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a heaven while they wait.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

If you're from New Jersey, let people make all those bad jokes about our state. Don't let anyone know how great it is here. It's the best kept secret.

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke.

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.

Jokes are grievances.

Nothing's a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

Hillary Clinton wouldn't have make a joke about wiping the server clean with a towel or now we find out about bashing old Blackberries to get rid of them or the fact that she had 13 Blackberries.

Don't make jokes about food.

I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know, if you make jokes about them, or I think because it means they're known.

Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.

The Sopranos' is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes - infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes me laugh.

Sometimes you look out the window and you look at all the windows, and think inside very single one of them is somebody with some huge, weird, terrible problem, some great jokes.

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes.

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.