Jokes Quotes

I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

A joke a day keeps the gloom away!

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes.

I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references.

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

I really like being able to laugh at my own jokes.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

I love jokes as much as anyone, but I don't want to hear my snail jokes every day. But I might want to hear a good song every day.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you, and you speak for 10 or 15 minutes in broad generalities.

she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what jokes are for.

I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh

And there'd be no more jokes in Music-halls To mock the riddled corpses round Bapaume.

You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

I love telling myself jokes. I think I'm a riot.

Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.

I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes.

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays.

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone’s expense.

Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh -- anything but work.

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

...the Gods too love a joke.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

There are passages of the Bible that are soiled forever by the touches of the hands of ministers who delight in the cheap jokes they have left behind them.

My friends always joke that I run on batteries.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

In actual fact, the female function is to explore, discover, invent, solve problems crack jokes, make music - all with love. In other words, create a magic world.

If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it.

Most of my comedy is accidental, I would say. If I don't know what the joke is, I'm going to play it better than if I do.

All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

A poem is a serious joke, a truth that has learned jujitsu.

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.

Some of our jokes we made up on the fly. I love Lecrae; we have been friends for a while and he is just one of my favorite people.

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.

You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you.

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. they had become stories

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.

One can make a joke, but one can't be one.