Jokes Quotes

Jokes are one of the things that bind the culture. If you can't have jokes about everybody in society and if one group is hedged off and protected then that group can never truly be integrated.

It's often the way that people who take their work seriously laugh at stupid jokes; it's as if they are under-humored and, as a consequence, suffer from premature laugh-ejaculation.

A joke isn't a joke until someone laughs.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously.

I performed stand-up because I didn't have to ask anyone's permission. My set was never joke-centric. It was a performance.

We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared

In Bengal, Hindus are known to crack jokes at the expense of their gods and goddesses and that's what I did.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

We were almost getting used to playing without fans in the Champions League. Jokes aside though, I think help from our fans will be indispensable for such a big match.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions

One can make a joke, but one can't be one.

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. they had become stories

You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you.

My daddy. He's so funny! My whole family jokes around a lot.

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

Clumsy jesting is no joke.

I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting jokes out than getting the words out. We laughed all the time.

The Crimean War is one of the bad jokes of history.

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I suppose every time [something bad happens], I have that instinct to make that joke that distracts.

A man must serve his time to every trade, Save censure-critics all are ready made. Take hackney'd jokes from Miller, got by rote With just enough learning to misquote.

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.

I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.

I learned lots of dirty jokes very young. There was this girl who told me them. The gang I led went in for shoplifting and pulling girls' knickers down. Other boys' parents hated me.

My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring.

My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or where I met them. But in my work world, I've never really been tempted to tell too much of my story.

Mathematics is a collection of cheap tricks and dirty jokes.

Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking about the impact anything I have. If it does resonate with people, that's really great.

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life.

I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.

My goal is to get on the national team. People joke that we'll be able to go to Beijing in 2008, but it's just jokes right now. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a reality.

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

Even if its a white crowd, I tell my jokes for the four black people in the room, not the 100 whites.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date.

Many of the political jokes that circulated in the Third Reich were directed at Goering. He collected them [all] in a large leather notebook and delighted in re-telling most of them to his friends.