Parenting Humor Quotes
Parenting Humor Quote of the day
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit.
And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks?
We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
Like I tell our kids, 'Your Mom isn't always right and I'm not always right. But together, WE'RE ALWAYS right!
Mothering Oxymoron: Reminding the kids to not talk with food in their mouths, yet I have food in my mouth while trying to correct them in the moment.
If you raise a daughter to be both independent and an excellent marksman, you have to accept the fact that your control over her actions is at an end.
too much alcohol hampers people's ability to parent. That's why I've chosen to remain childless.
He was afraid to pick up the baby. If he touched it, it might bond with him or something. Or he might leave fingerprints all over it.
We’re gonna do like Posh and Becks and call it after the place it was conceived.”“Where’s that?” I asked.“King of Prussia.
Jokes about butts WORKED.
Take any two-year-old through a car wash and their skulls are blown. FLAPS! FOAM! ROLLING THINGS! It's the closest they'll ever get to being inside a working spaceship.
If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money.
In that day, we didn't have no remote controls and vacuum cleaners. If you wanted all that stuff you had children!
I need to work on developing a new, less irritable personality. though I suspect that an empty nest would be at least a partial cure, today I resorted to substance abuse.
Why did you throw sand when I just told you not to?"What child says, "Hmm, why did I? I guess there's no good reason. Thanks for pointing that out. It won't happen again.
May my family, household and I be a devout God-fearing men and women.
My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children’s need for parenting.
I would be the first to admit that my maternal instincts are not well developed--though in defense I must add that the raising of Ramses would have discouraged any woman.