Sarcasm Humor Quotes

Sarcasm Humor Quote of the day

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe?

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.

Time for the likeliest story since Mary told Joseph it was God’s.

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel." -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow

If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all.

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Were you born stupid, Heinrich, or did you have to study?

Yeah, over my scattered panties, I asked him to dinner and told him to bring a friend.” - Laney

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

I also don't turn into a bat or sparkle in the sun. Hollywood's portrayal of vampires is almost as accurate as its portrayal of prostitution in Pretty Woman.

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?

Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?""Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work.

I can give you two words, " I tell him. "The second is off. Can you guess the first?

In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.

I—though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment—was my usual dignified self.

I've been trying to figure that out since I met him. I've had more luck trying to smell the color nine.

It's better to shut a fool's mouth with sarcasm rather than cursing him back.

Weapons master is giving me special lessons." she (Amily) chuckled. " He calls then How Not To Get Killed lessons.

Would somebody please tell him whose idea it had been to kill the entire state of Colorado?

If this is how you feel about a desert, I can't wait until you see your first real tree. Your mind will explode.

Poetry is a disease vector. Like malaria.

When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another.

Right. That's twenty-two fifty.""Twenty-two fifty?" We can't hide our exasperation."Well, yeah - this is a classy joint, you know.""That's obvious - the service is incredible.

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly.

I guess we'll just sit around here and casually die, then.

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape.

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

... the house is on fire, but go ahead - finish painting the verandah...

There is never a bad joke, it's adressing to a wrong audience that makes it look bad!

Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked."Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't imagine why caffeine wouldn't help this situation.

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny.

There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, “Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

Is this the baby?" I said.Ma turned on me again."What do you think it is?" she said. "A midget that can't talk?

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

Just for the record the weather today is slightly sarcastic, with a good chance of A. indifference and B. disinterest in what the critics say.

If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will.

Don't sound so surprised. I have sensible moments, you know.

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.

You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?"As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?

That's the spirit! Make it chicken broth or nothing. That's putting the old foot down. If she's determined to have a nervous breakdown, the least we can do is see that she doesn't have it in peace.