Sarcasm Humor Quotes

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night.""And here I thought maybe I dreamed it, " Prophet muttered sarcastically.

I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

— Why did blondes vote for Clinton? — They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!

The worst case of discrimination can be witnessed in music. Imagine calling B 'sharp' in presence of D 'minor

I improvise therefore I exist!

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

You must have been going very fast.""I was, until I hit the fence.

Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?""Is that including, or not including you?

You like them, " I realized.Noah's eyebrows lifted in question."Like as people.""As opposed to...furniture?""They're my PARENTS.""That is my understanding, yes.

If you say ‘we’re in this together, ’ I’m going to hurl.

Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?""Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.

Awww, " Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face.

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny.

I have to tell you the truth. But you are too ugly for it.

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category, ” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't.

Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster

Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.

He sure told you off, huh, Icy?" ~Darcy

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash

You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.

I'm working from the assumption it's going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we're calling it a win."Merit/Jonah

The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year.

his mind's like Alcatraz. once something's in, it never gets out

I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray.

Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!” she snarled.“Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!

You are soft person you said. But you're soft as shit: it is very soft but stinking!

Great, ' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically.

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?''Wow, ' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.

To my astonishment I saw him standing at a table with Kitty Jones. It was the Kitty Jones bit that was astonishing. Not the table. Though it was very nicely polished.

I hope you're not smoking in front of her, ' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia, ' he says, irritated.

it's a losing battle at this point, but so was the alamo

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun." "Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon]

Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about, " Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?

Because we don't really sparkle.

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.

It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back.

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid.