Sarcasm Quotes

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

No more shooting from anyone. Or I am going to get seriously cranky with everyone. Suddenly, and violently and all over the place.

Having your own church doesn't make you a good guy. It only makes you tax-exempt.

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.

Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.

Lord Ironman, please play tonsil hockey with me, just this one time. There, does that make you happy?

In the meantime, I’ll get a job. I’ll pay my own way.” “A job?” “Mmm, yeah. It’s that thing people do to make money.

Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!

I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.

Playful, positive sarcasm is different from negative mean sarcasm, and many people don't know the difference.

I sheep's idea of bravery : To become a wolf's pet.

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

Well, bloody noses." I hug his coat tighter. "Those are definitely hot.

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.

I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work.

They were shot with a shotgun and put in garbage bags and thrown under a bridge, " Shrake said. "If it wasn't murder, it was a really weird accident.

Ignore the reek of feces in the air, the bloodstains on the ground, and you have yourself a glorious night.

Silverstream: You idiot!!! What are you doing in my territory???Graystripe:...Drowning?Silverstream: Can't you do that in your own territory?Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?

The first time Calypso came to check on [Leo], it was to complain about the noise.“Smoke and fire, ” she said. “Clanging on metal all day long. You’re scaring away the birds!”“Oh, no, not the birds!

If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?' came a sarcastic voice near the head board. 'Perhaps you could roll around on the floor.

Oh no. Oh God. I couldn't possibly be so stupid.""Don't limit yourself. You can be anything you wish.

What happened?" he demanded. "I heard an explosion!""Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.""What?""I set fire to the boat.""But we're on the boat!""I know.

Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about, " Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?

Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point.

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

Promise me you’ll look after yourself … stay out of trouble …’‘I always do, Mrs Weasley, ’ said Harry. ‘I like a quiet life, you know me.

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.""What! How long has it been?""Five minutes. I got bored.

Where did you live before you came here?" I asked. "The moon, " he said smoothly. "We left because the place had no atmosphere.

Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. “Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all.

Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.

Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.

A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.

Maybe, ” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well, ” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it.

I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.

His voice, the very sound of rolling eyes.

... As could the sarcasm in her voice. "yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.

Ivypool felt her mouth drop open "Hollyleaf? But...you you're dead!" "Obviously not, " the newcomer replied with an edge to her voice.

I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin', " she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me.

My mind reels with sarcastic replies!

If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.

Don't sound so grumpy. Next thing you know you'll be whinning and giving me puppy dog eyes.

Fine, it’s decided.” Vain resumed his stride. “I’ll do all the killing, and you doall the stuff that an Avun-Riah does. Whatever the hell that is.

Here she is, ” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”“Oh, cheers, ” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.

Since you stand in the same bridge with him why don't you two just jump off.

Caro: "Bite me."Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun." "Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon]

Right. I can tell from the bat wings and the leeches that you three are just all happy-smiles and rainbows.

You don't have to make fun of it.""Actually I do, " I said. "I make fun of almost everything.

Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that.