Sarcasm Quotes

I'm working from the assumption it's going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we're calling it a win."Merit/Jonah

If you are rude, cynical, habitually-sarcastic or pessimistic, your life options are going to be very limited.

Excuse me if I feel skeptical, ' I said. 'Coach's foot fell off. How exactly do you propose to cure that? Superglue?

I hope you're not smoking in front of her, ' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia, ' he says, irritated.

people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something

To my astonishment I saw him standing at a table with Kitty Jones. It was the Kitty Jones bit that was astonishing. Not the table. Though it was very nicely polished.

Who the hell calls at two in the morning?""Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love, " Lindsay says."Very funny,

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?''Wow, ' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.

Coincidences are like unicorns.you can believe in them all you want, but that doesn't make them real

I've heard that sarcasm is no substitute for cleverness

That was Hunter, ' said Quinn as his father's footsteps faded away.'I figured. Since he said to call him Hunter and everything.

I couldn't hack it in Hollywood, my writing's wasn't bad enough.

Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway, " the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries.

I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't.

For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenal's moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own

What's next? You want to convince me they're making another crap Last Airbender movie?

Great, ' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically.

I couldn't help thinkin' if she was as far out o' town as she was out o' tune, she wouldn't get back in a day.

He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.--Havana Red

When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another.

Marion: What is all this? What's going on?Clint: The same thing that's always going on. The end of the world.

So the I.F. is spying on Earth.""Just as a mother spies on her children at play in the yard.""Good to know you're looking out for us, Mummy.

Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!” she snarled.“Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!

(One character on another:)"Don't you know that I passionately dote on every chin on his face?

I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray.

If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul.

Entertaining females with accounts of jug-bitten maunderings is one of my favourite pastimes.

his mind's like Alcatraz. once something's in, it never gets out

Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster

The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year.

Kei: Is there anything else you need while I'm here, Your Highness?Cabot: No, but you can leave the sarcasm in there.

As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk’s buddies pointed at me and said, “Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Z

And fetch some straw.We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.”“Straw. I love luxury.

it's a losing battle at this point, but so was the alamo

As I grabbed my cocoa, chocolate ran down my hand."This makes me feel like a five-year-old, " I said, licking it off."If I ordered a sandwich at this place, do you think they'd cut the crusts off?

I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that’s what they do when I’m not around.

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.

Oh, poor, poor fellow!' said Mrs. Elliot with a remorse that was sincere, though her congratulations would not have been.

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.

Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!

I can give you two words, " I tell him. "The second is off. Can you guess the first?

Everyone has bad days...'my Dear MIDDLE FINGER, Thanks for sticking up for me!

Poetry is a disease vector. Like malaria.

I'll only go if there's cake.~Tobias "Four

Sarcasm is the new staircase to stardom.

And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.-Haymitch Abernathy

I ken who you are! You're Strathfearn's granddaughter. Julie Stuart, is it? Och, aye, Lady Julia! Well then, Lady Julia, tell me -- who don't you deserve a glass of water?

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.

One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice and incompetence.

The eye-roll is a 10.5 on the Ritcher. The Big One. California has slipped into the ocean.