Sarcasm Quotes

It's better to shut a fool's mouth with sarcasm rather than cursing him back.

Is my life, by any chance, about to take a new turn?

I've been trying to figure that out since I met him. I've had more luck trying to smell the color nine.

Grown tall, like a ruddy weed, on his food.

I know that you’re worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn’t going to help anyone.

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible.

An accessible introduction to the nature of political thought. Just what I always wanted.

I’m fine, considering I can’t walk anymore, ” Pam replied, a sarcastic edge in her voice. “You look like your bringing news. What is it this time, I’m blind?

I—though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment—was my usual dignified self.

I don’t know. Is that good-different, or I-should-come-with-a-warning-label-different?

In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.

It's funny, ma'am, how sometimes you're so sarcastic but it doesn't sting.""Because of my dimples. Dimples are a get-out-of-jail-free card

Ryn looks sideways at me and raises an eyebrow, "It's big enough for two."-"You're joking right?Why don't you pretend to be a gentleman and give me the

Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW

Two thousand years and I’ve never met anyone so stubborn.

While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open...and guess what fell out!....Ooops

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?""Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work.

Sorry, one night stands don't stack up as credentials for tending bar.

Whatever crimes this man had committed, they weren't as egregious as his inflated self-image.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty of half full. Just drink it while everyone is arguing about it and be thankful you had a glass with something in it!

Was he hitting some type of werewolf midlife crisis? First, he'd left Wolf Town, and now he was envisioning a mate. What next? Bird watching? Board games? Retirement homes?

Valkyrie smiled patiently. "I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?

Wow, " she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise.""You are not easy to get along with, " Skulduggery said.

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ - Colon swallowed - ‘irony.

Think of it as an eight-dimensional onion.’ Justine straightened her back and gave her father an exasperated look. ‘Thanks, Dad. That’s helpful. I always think in those terms, it really helps a lot.

He said, “If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site.” Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.

…believing sarcasm and rude remarks kept the monsters at bay. They didn’t.

Whatever you are, do not even assume that you will be surrounded and gnawed by luxurious worms of an exquisite breed.

I also don't turn into a bat or sparkle in the sun. Hollywood's portrayal of vampires is almost as accurate as its portrayal of prostitution in Pretty Woman.

Going to the gym at this odd hour didn't 'work out' for me.

Resilience, thy name is Devine.

I get my share of mud flung my way, but the secret is to dance in the rain and the mud will wash away.

Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it tobe one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughingbut the forces that be—given that they are even a wee bit human.

I suppose that I found out two more constituents of the eternal engine: folly and curiosity.

That's one way we differ, Jaime and I. He's taller as well, you may have noticed.

Normally ghosts didn't scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn't encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

My whole day has been a unicorn ride through a field of rainbows

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Mary, ' said her mother. 'We don't like sarcasm ' 'You mightn't like it, ' said Mary. 'But I love it.

Yeah, over my scattered panties, I asked him to dinner and told him to bring a friend.” - Laney

It’s a good thing that the sheep are all so law abiding

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all....

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

worms have crawled up your nose and eaten your wits.

I once saw you in a tuxedo and all I wanted to do is eat.

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?

I have to crack a nut in order to enjoy it.