Sarcasm Quotes

Don’t make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will.

Just for the record the weather today is slightly sarcastic, with a good chance of A. indifference and B. disinterest in what the critics say.

I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found, ” I said to the man searching my pants. “You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.

I frowned at him. "Isn't sarcasm the opiate of the masses?""You're thinking of religion, " he replied. "Sarcasm is the Xanax of the morally bereft.

Is this the baby?" I said.Ma turned on me again."What do you think it is?" she said. "A midget that can't talk?

Nothing like an orange and olive green-striped couch sitting on orange carpet and surrounded by dark wood paneling to get the inspiration rolling.

I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. "I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me." from Clean Sweep

This is fantastically squalid, " said Milo. "We may never get out of here alive.

Right. That's twenty-two fifty.""Twenty-two fifty?" We can't hide our exasperation."Well, yeah - this is a classy joint, you know.""That's obvious - the service is incredible.

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category, ” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

Casting sarcasm ain't easy.. It needs hard work and a big mug of cappuccino!

There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.

I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn?

Yeah, and we could fly in on dragons and release a cloud of sugar plum fairies to tiptoe in an get the watch.

You are a sick, sick man, ” I told him.“Thank you, ” Ben replied, looking modest.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny.

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

I understand that you don’t want to marry me, ” I said. “I mean, I don’t know why, since I’m simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste.

Imitating someone is the mediocre way of getting humanity back to what we evolved from.

You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is.

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.

What am I doing here? The Southern Star has vanished, a Cataclyst is calling the moon out of time at the mythical Great Barrier, and you're asking what I'm doing here? Are you serious?

Go on the roller coaster they tell me. It’ll be fun they tell me. -Max Montgomery

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

The only stirrups I like are on a saddle.

The Bibbidi Bobbidi Beautiful boutique, the name filled me with dread.

Someone tells me I’ve been touched by Jesus, I remember.”“Not Jesus, ” he said in all seriousness. “The hand of God.

We had and incident. I took care of it.""Really." Jace's voice dripped sarcasm. "Do you even know how to use that knife, Clarissa? Without poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?

Innocent tourists? You make me sound like the big bad wolf.”“And you’re not?” I questioned.“Only if you’re Red Riding Hood, ” he said flirtatiously.“Wow, that’s original.

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".

REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.

come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon

But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.

He's asleep in the harbor, disguised as dog shit.

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI.

Sarcasm is one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions!

I am Captain Dakkan. I am in charge of this facility.""Captain Dakkan, " Ryan repeated. "It's good to meet you. I've heard... well... nothing about you...

All right. The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked."Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't imagine why caffeine wouldn't help this situation.

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist.

Yeah, it's a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.

You're playing hookey for her? You met her, what, five minutes ago? And now she's what? Your girlfriend? Did you give her your varsity jacket?

There is never a bad joke, it's adressing to a wrong audience that makes it look bad!

... the house is on fire, but go ahead - finish painting the verandah...

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape.