Sarcasm Quotes

Sarcasm... the protest of those who are weak.

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all." -Halt

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Irish was a man of parts even if some of them didn't work too well.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.

Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.

At the best, sarcasms, bitter irony, scathing wit, are a sort of swordplay of the mind. You pink your adversary, and he is forthwith dead; and then you deserve to be hung for it.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

The truth is simple, you do not die from love. You only wish you did.

I am not being overly harsh. Overtly hostile, yes, but exactly the right amount of harsh.

There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe?

While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way.

Wouldn't want to miss a war, would I?

Independence is earned by a few words of cheap confidence

There's a good sense of fun and lack of sarcasm in the Texans, maybe a little earnestness which is kind of why I found it quite Australian.

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

Perfume: any smell that is used to drown a worse one.

Ministers fall like buttered slices of bread: usually on their good side.

..her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.

And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything.

Time for the likeliest story since Mary told Joseph it was God’s.

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.

The occupational hazard of being a Playboy Bunny is the aching facial muscles brought on by obligatory smiles.

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

If you don't advertise yourself you will be advertised by your loving enemies.

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you

A married woman is a slave you must know how to seat upon a throne.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

Critics are reprimanded when they get sarcastic. How absurd! Is the torch of criticism supposed to shine without burning?

Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?

Here is a man whose life and actions the world has already condemned - yet whose enormous fortune...has already brought him acquittal!

The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.

Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese.

Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little.

Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there.