Sarcasm Quotes

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

worms have crawled up your nose and eaten your wits.

I once saw you in a tuxedo and all I wanted to do is eat.

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?

I have to crack a nut in order to enjoy it.

Pretending will only make us anxious and encourages us to make friends with a reason, then depending with lies, thereafter we will make love with stupidity

don't play role in Drama that i well know about the content of script. i can count your steps after this. don't forget who's the director!

Why should repeat 2-3 for the same question. Let tongue and brain connect before talking.I'm not sarcastic, I'm just brutally honest !

Are you really left-handed?” Mr. Marshall asked.“No. I’ve just been pretending to use my left hand my entire life because I enjoy never being able to work scissors properly.

He felt that such a life in which one could display such sarcasm and wit was after all to a certain degree worth living.

Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows...

Note to self: Caymen is very good at sarcasm.”“If you’re recording notes for an official record, I’d like the word ‘very’ stricken and replaced with ‘exceptionally.

Need I say more?''No, because you're wrong, and I'd hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

What time is it?”“One o'clock.”I nearly spit out some soda. “In theafternoon?”“No. In the morning. Don't let that damnsunlight fool you. It lies.

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, “Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night.""And here I thought maybe I dreamed it, " Prophet muttered sarcastically.

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring.[points to self]

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

I'm financially ugly.

I’m sorry that your mystical, godlike powers do not instantly work as you would like them to.

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.

I have a black belt in sarcasm, and my wit is like lightning.

What? Really? And I thought I was just emotionally withdrawn.” She pulled her feet up, hugging her knees. “I’m also incapable going to be your next brilliant observation.

We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.

She washed he hands, then looked at my side. "you haven't even had it stitched?" She said incredulously."I've been rather busy, " I said. "With the running like hell and hiding all night.

No one referred toFearghus the Destroyer as the life of anyone’s party.

Liraz snorted, caught off guard, and the tension between them ebbed away. "I'm sorry of my almost dying interrupted your almost kissing.

Truly, " remarked Nandi as we entered a darkened tunnel, "it is amazing that you have not died yet, mistress." "Well, hang in there. The night is young.

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?

I nee to reason for a plague, ... As far as I know no comets or eclipses have been forecast, and our sins are not great enough for God to be concerned with us.

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.

There are a few things that even sarcasm can't protect you from.

Fine. Okay. I killed her. But I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t kill her, kill her.”“Oh, I see. As long as you didn’t kill her, kill her, then that’s okay.

Owr brave little shank!

That's the spirit! Make it chicken broth or nothing. That's putting the old foot down. If she's determined to have a nervous breakdown, the least we can do is see that she doesn't have it in peace.

You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?"As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?

I was dead, and I hadn't even been able to attend my own funeral.

Where are Haldad my father, and Haldad my brother? If the king of Doriath fears a friendship between Haleth and those who have devoured her kin, then the ways of the Eldar are strange to Men.

REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.

We had and incident. I took care of it.""Really." Jace's voice dripped sarcasm. "Do you even know how to use that knife, Clarissa? Without poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?

Innocent tourists? You make me sound like the big bad wolf.”“And you’re not?” I questioned.“Only if you’re Red Riding Hood, ” he said flirtatiously.“Wow, that’s original.

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".

But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.

He's asleep in the harbor, disguised as dog shit.