Sarcasm Quotes

We...we could be friends.'We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.

Did you call me here just to deliver this monologue? Did I need to be here?

Why, you mean you didn't get abducted and dragged across country purely to make us a story for us to chew over endlessly?" asked Pip, tossing his shock of tow-colored hair indignantly. "The nerve!

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.

Luckily we don't sleep standing. Who knows where the dream will take us!

What do you do when you’re in a room of vampires and the most dangerous one tells you that youknow too much? You bolt. What did I do? I hyperventilated.

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Conner raised an eyebrow. 'Who told you

How Gloomy it is, to pause, to cease and to rust unburn, to get used and be indistinct. Like to live is to breathe.

I think my reputation will look after itself, " Holmes said. "If they hang me, Watson, I shall leave it to you to persuade your readers that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

The life I've livedWhat more can one ask forApart from a grand exitSlit of the wristTotal bliss

Yeah, because you'll really be showing them, won't you. Talk about cutting up your wrists to spite your fate.

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.

Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?""Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

When you succumb to cynicism, darkness, pessimism and sarcasm you are amplifying imbalance and negativity.

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

Sarcasm is a manifestation of anger, and anger can make you the puppet of your opponents.

If only a stare can kill, I'm already a murderer.

Sometimes when I have the feeling like I’m almost crying, it can turn into an almost-laughing feeling.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.

Got anything to eat?" I asked."You know where the gas station is, " said my incredibly nurturing and maternal mother.

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail.

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

It is a futile and ridiculous struggle—but then... it is human nature, I suppose, to be futile and ridiculous.

Facts are much more malleable than prejudices.

I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills.

You are in good shape for a dead man.

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge.

A woman's weapon is her tongue.

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper,  twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

Knives and candlelight, ” he said, “how romantic.

-I am alergic to these flowers.-I know.

Rest assured you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all.

Because we don't really sparkle.

... And I wondered if we had disappointed God so much, that he wrote us off as pets, just alive to entertain.

If walls could talk - scratch that, if walls could make sarcastic comments... well, things would be interesting.