Sarcastic Quotes

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sarcastic people tend to be marshmallows underneath the armor

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

I'm stingy and I'm proud of the reputation.

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

I thought men like that shot themselves.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.

Sorry I’m so sarcastic. I feel really bad about it.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.

She's been on more laps than a napkin.

Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.

She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying.