So Funny Quotes

Sanders was a friend of chickens.

Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

You have a couple of buddies sleep over, and, you know, you play cops and robbers. That I'm getting paid to do it now is kind of funny.

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense

I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.

It s funny to see a hatchling like you beaten by the old one.

Wolves never look more funny than when they have lost the scent and scrabble to find it again: they hop in the air; they run in circles, they plow up the ground with their noses . . . .

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

Opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

Can I wear your blazer?

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.

There is good government when those who are near are made happy, and when those who are afar are attracted.

Worry not that no one knows you; seek to be worth knowing.

There is the love of knowing without the love of learning; the beclouding here leads to dissipation of mind.

Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?

The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

Every time we had a raid, I'd get a boyfriend out of it.

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one.

Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made

The U.S. victory in Gulf War was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

It is beyond my apprehension.

If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?

You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.

You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.

This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don't hold that against them. They are all fine people, and they had no idea how it would turn out.

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

She goes to Frederick's of Hollywood at the mall and purchases an explicit lingerie outfit so sheer that you could read an appliance warranty through it in an unlit closet.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Broke people giving financial advice is like a shop teacher with missing fingers.

He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62.

This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked.

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.

They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.