So Funny Quotes

It is funny you know, you spend 12 years of your life learning about things and about life, but they never really tell you how hard life really is.

Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning, you got off to a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you're in a slump. If you lose at the end, you're choking

The defense should be expecting a run or a pass here.

Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.

Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

Regardless of how funny I want to be, I don't ever have a problem speaking from my heart or speaking honestly to people.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

The work itself is the reward, and if I choose challenging work, it'll pay me back with interest. At least I'll be interested, even if nobody else is.

Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

It's funny that it all becomes about clothes. It's bizarre. You work your butt off and then you win an award and it's all about your dress. You can't get away from it.

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?

What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

MaCleod, since you've flown the SeaBee a lot you'll understand when I say it was the only airplane I ever owned that you could put in a dive, loose a cylinder and stall out!

Funny is funny. And if it's good, it travels.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump his behind every time he hopped.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That's me: I'm not that.

My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so irritating.

You never came out the way you came in.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?