So Funny Quotes
We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.
I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?
So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it's too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab at gorgeous as long as I had something funny to say to get out of it.
Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed.
And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race.
With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
Just to settle it once and for all: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg, laid by a bird that was not a chicken.
As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.
