So Funny Quotes

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.

Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side

Modern houses are so small we've had to train our dog to wag its tail up and down and not sideways.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.

Mr. Right is coming, but he's in Africa and he's walking.

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.

Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers.

Jesus was a bachelor and never lived with a woman. Surely living with a woman is one of the most difficult things a man has to do, and he never did it.

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows.

A good thing to have up your sleeve is a sanctified funny-bone.

I like friends as I like music - when I am in the mood.

Thank you for your coffee, seignior. I shall miss that when we leave Casablanca.

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right.

It's funny --- sometimes the strongest individuals feel the worst when events are out of their control, and they can't really be there for the people they love. I've felt it myself.

Situated in some nebulous distance I do what I do so that the universal balance of which I am a part may remain a balance.

There should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions. Be rude when you're angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you're asked.

It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks

Life has a funny way of becoming ordinary as soon as it can.

It's funny how people who we fight with the most at the end of day are the ones that really got your back.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Why should i go to his funeral? He ain't comming to mine.

Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.

It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!

Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Money is always there but the pockets change.

When words fail, the guitar speaks.