So Funny Quotes
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"
I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.
In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do.
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.
I feel things can always be funny, but that's probably because I have some kind of leftover childhood need to make people laugh. For somebody like me, that's the thing you excel at.
If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy.
The musical stuff I'd go up for was always funny, sexy, tough-as-nails, heart-of-gold characters.
Hardly any animal can look as deeply disappointed as a dog to whom one says "no."
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
What a father says to his children is not heard by the world, but it will be heard by posterity.
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.
To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.
I don't think the Disney Channel gives us enough credit for the age range Lizzie McGuire actually has. College students come up to me, grandparents, famous people. It's really funny.
A cause may be inconvenient, but it's magnificent. It's like champagne or high heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for it.
Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!
I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience.
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
Beauty fades! I just turned 29, so I probably don't have that many good years left in me.
A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by those things - maybe he's just trying to be like his daddy.
