So Funny Quotes

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

We enjoy sailing small boats, two of which I have designed and built myself.

I had never passed a single school exam, and clearly never would.

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2

I became at peace with the darkness or the personality that I have. I am usually pretty funny and happy.

Keep your hand on the helm.

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny.

What's worth doing is worth doing for money.

I really like it. I really, really like it. Ah, ah, ah, ah...buried alive...buried alive.

Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding.

It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific.

You can't eat a winner's plaque.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

MC is a funny girl and always makes me laugh no matter what. I love her!

Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest. Nutrition is obviously very important, but rest is equally important. At rest is when your body is trying to recover.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.

I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.

If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying.

The European drivers have adapted to this circuit extremely quickly, especially Paul Radisich who's a New Zealander.

Jesus's resurrection is the beginning of God's new project.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.

I was always thinking the funny things but was always quiet and scared to be made fun of.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

It's funny how you realize what's important, and it's not fame and money, even though it can be really nice. It's happiness and whatever it takes to make you feel happy.

Gentlemen, we are being killed on the beaches. Lets go inland and be killed.

I am not going to say I told you so, but I did.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.

You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic.

You can't always go to the well and have things be funny.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do"