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So Funny Quotes: "Dogs who chase cars evidently see them as large, unruly ungulates badly in need of discipline and shepherding."

Dogs who chase cars evidently see them as large, unruly ungulates badly in need of discipline and shepherding.



So Funny Quotes: "God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies."

God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies.




So Funny Quotes: "A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist."

A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.



So Funny Quotes: "God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings."

God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings.




So Funny Quotes: "If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up."

If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up.



So Funny Quotes: "Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us."

Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us.



So Funny Quotes: "I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end."

I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.




So Funny Quotes: "It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld."

It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.



So Funny Quotes: "A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself."

A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.



So Funny Quotes: "Yes, he's got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he's got other kinds you ain't mentioned and that you ain't slick enough to see."

Yes, he's got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he's got other kinds you ain't mentioned and that you ain't slick enough to see.



So Funny Quotes: "The American Dream is not to own your own home, but to get your kids out of it."

The American Dream is not to own your own home, but to get your kids out of it.



So Funny Quotes: "I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown."

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.




So Funny Quotes: "My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts."

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.



So Funny Quotes: "Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.



So Funny Quotes: "Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?



So Funny Quotes: "USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.



So Funny Quotes: "Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window."

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.



So Funny Quotes: "I always wanted to be a hairdresser."

I always wanted to be a hairdresser.



So Funny Quotes: "In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot."

In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.



So Funny Quotes: "I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits."

I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.



So Funny Quotes: "My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog."

My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog.



So Funny Quotes: "In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid."

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.



So Funny Quotes: "Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare."

Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.



So Funny Quotes: "I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes."

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.



So Funny Quotes: "So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out."

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.



So Funny Quotes: "I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich."

I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.



So Funny Quotes: "Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it."

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.



So Funny Quotes: "I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best."

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.



So Funny Quotes: "Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?"

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?



So Funny Quotes: "There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them."

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.



So Funny Quotes: "Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer."

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.



So Funny Quotes: "This is funny because I just had a job over the summer for VH1, a project I did called Strange Frequency where I got to play a Goth rock band singer."

This is funny because I just had a job over the summer for VH1, a project I did called Strange Frequency where I got to play a Goth rock band singer.



So Funny Quotes: "The people may be made to follow a path of action but they may not be made to understand it."

The people may be made to follow a path of action but they may not be made to understand it.



So Funny Quotes: "When music and courtesy are better understood and appreciated, there will be no war."

When music and courtesy are better understood and appreciated, there will be no war.



So Funny Quotes: "When superiors are fond of showing their humanity, inferiors try to outstrip one another in their practice of it."

When superiors are fond of showing their humanity, inferiors try to outstrip one another in their practice of it.



So Funny Quotes: "If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he'll bleed red."

If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he'll bleed red.



So Funny Quotes: "Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything."

Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything.



So Funny Quotes: "Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels. Church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not have to answer back."

Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels. Church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not have to answer back.



So Funny Quotes: "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.



So Funny Quotes: "A well known American writer said once that, while everybody talked about the weather, nobody seemed to do anything about it."

A well known American writer said once that, while everybody talked about the weather, nobody seemed to do anything about it.



So Funny Quotes: "School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man."

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.



So Funny Quotes: "A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them."

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.



So Funny Quotes: "You make good coffee . . . You're a slob, but you make good coffee."

You make good coffee . . . You're a slob, but you make good coffee.



So Funny Quotes: "There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker."

There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.



So Funny Quotes: "What a sad business is being funny!"

What a sad business is being funny!



So Funny Quotes: "Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it."

Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it.



So Funny Quotes: "Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about?"

Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about?



So Funny Quotes: "Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them."

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.



So Funny Quotes: "Nothing is more apt to deceive us than our own judgment of our work. We derive more benefit from having our faults pointed out by our enemies than from hearing the opinions of friends."

Nothing is more apt to deceive us than our own judgment of our work. We derive more benefit from having our faults pointed out by our enemies than from hearing the opinions of friends.