Stand Up Comedy Quotes

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Stand Up Comedy Quote of the day

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Felipe Esparza

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "My sense of stand up comedy would be so esoteric."

My sense of stand up comedy would be so esoteric.

Paul Rudd

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession."

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

Aziz Ansari

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "You know, stand-up comedy is where I pretty much started out."

You know, stand-up comedy is where I pretty much started out.

Brion James

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "Last night I didn't realize I said "abortion" in my stand up comedy act instead of "circumcision." No wonder I got blank stares at "rabbi got faint at sight of blood.""

Last night I didn't realize I said "abortion" in my stand up comedy act instead of "circumcision." No wonder I got blank stares at "rabbi got faint at sight of blood."

Ben Rosenfield

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it."

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it.

Jim Jefferies

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "I want my rockstars dead."

I want my rockstars dead.

Bill Hicks

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit."

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit.

Richard Pryor

Stand Up Comedy Quotes: "If you do finish the book and are still scared of me and people of my ilk, then I recommend you schedule an appointment with a therapist. Either that, or try writing your own book"

If you do finish the book and are still scared of me and people of my ilk, then I recommend you schedule an appointment with a therapist. Either that, or try writing your own book

Maz Jobrani, I'm Not a Terrorist, But I've Played One On TV: Memoirs of a Middle Eastern Funny Man