The Twain Quotes

The Twain Quote of the day

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.

Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.

A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.

Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.

Loose and forbear!

You can't pray a lie--I found that out.

Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was the proudest moment of his life.

There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics.

It was a dreadful thing to see. Humans beings can be awful cruel to one another.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

It don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway.

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Some people scorn a cat and think it not an essential

For I never care to do a thing in a quiet way

For me, all writing -- storytelling and style -- gets back to the Bible, Twain and Hemingway, and not in that order.

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower intestine.' I'd put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it.

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you can't learn any other way.--Mark Twain

...why is my cat a Muse? the cat has the rare grace of never saying a word too much― Mark Twain ...that's why ...

My books are water

So I don’t think I’ll make Poet Laureate, but I swear I’m not twisted and bitter, If finely-wrought talentsdon’t weigh in the balance, I can always write haiku on Twitter.

To believe yourself brave is to be brave

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.

The dog is a gentleman

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.

Experience is an author’s most valuable asset