Ya Contemporary Quotes

The words ‘drink me’ come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?

Oh, Alice, you haven’t even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time’s right I don’t think I’ll have to ‘try’ to have my way with you. I just WILL.

Have you thrown ‘Why is a raven like a writing desk?’ at her yet?

For someone named Alice, you’re really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia.

You know what they say, Queenie: ALWAYS bet like you have a pair.

Pretty great view. You think they’d do something about the sharks.

Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner in America.

Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.

Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.

Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.

Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.

Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?

Remember that rabbit-proof fencing you told me about? You get that at a hardware store or is it special order?

So…while we’re sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn’t someone tell me the plan?

Well, Faye, dear, I’m sure Harlow’s sorry she didn’t think to ask if you’d been eaten by a shark. That’s totally on her.

I think I can say with confidence that it’s a lot funnier if you haven’t actually been attacked by a shark.

Are we turning back? Because if you’re just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I’m desensitized, trust me—that ship has sailed.

That’s exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two, you might get lucky and be given a plum post somewhere in the SECOND World.

You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, ‘Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.

I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.

Don’t be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don’t travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.

I don’t think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.

I am commanding you, as an older and wiser brother, to get over here, get on this caterpillar, and ride to the top of this mushroom with me.

You’re in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you’re asking ‘why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS.

I’m not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.

You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.

I hear they’re all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can’t tell who’s got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala…tell me you’re not shocked.

Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.

This is from the queen? And you say it’s for a mouse? I’m sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn’t allow any pets except for service animals.

Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?

Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait—is that not what we’re talking about here?

What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.

He’s a guy. We’re easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take five minutes…three if you wear something low-cut.

Follow me down, Alice Faye Dahl. I know the way.

I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘too much money and not enough things to spend it on.

Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?

I believe it went like this—and stop me if I’m wrong, Mousey: ‘Listen, we may not be our own continent and everything, but we have a big country over in America too.

Alice? You didn’t get this far without realizing that you don’t have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that people are easily manipulated.

No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.

I’ll get you and your little dog too?’ You say your girl can’t pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift’s just gonna keep right on giving.

Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.

The car doesn’t so much drive as float above the road, like we’re making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.

If one more person tells me how big this country is, I’m going to go kick a koala.

How was I supposed to know ‘lucked out’ means ‘I got screwed over’ in Australian?

Yeah, well, when they say ‘You know it’s a long way, don’t you?’ what they really mean is: ‘You know it’d be faster if you just rode a kangaroo, don’t you?

Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.

Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I’d feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it.

I like it because when people use a lot of poker lingo, it usually means they’ve been playing the game for a while. Which is why I immediately avoid those people.

So ‘fatal’ only kills you two out of three times these days? That’s good to know.

I’m good at being vague and unpredictable. It’s sort of a hard habit to break.