106 [degrees] in the valley... I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Death is the ultimate cessation of the individual Self.

And if you wonder how serious I am when I talk about filling your head with positive thoughts: I only watch one type of movies. The ones with happy endings.

They're Coming.

Generosity, pleasing address, courage and propriety of conduct are not acquired, but are inbred qualities.

The Koran shows every sign of being thrown together by human beings, as do all the other holy books.

Man is different from animals in that he speculates, a high-risk activity.

Why should women not be a martyr for her cause?

My soul is more at rest from the tempter when I am busily employed.

I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I hate war.

I wouldn't keep him around long if I didn't feed him well.