9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

There ain't a man in the world cares about a woman's past until he's thinking of her in his future.

Gratitude and love are always multiplied when you give freely. It is an infinite source of contentment and prosperous energy.

Greed has two teachers

It's the ultimate goal every day you wake up, to be happy. At the end of the week, you want to be happy. Happy in love, happy in work, happy in life, happy with yourself. It's pretty simple.

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.

I think art is a total thing. A total person giving a contribution. It is an essence, a soul.. In my inner soul art and life are inseparable

Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.

Life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the connections we make to others through honor and obligation.

Respecting religions is not simply a question of universal tolerance; it is a question of believing that all religions are true.

Can I start by asking why your drawings abnormally suck?