99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I like to read fairytales. They make my imagination go wild, and I wander in fairyland.

The height of your accomplishments is determined by the depth of your convictions.

If you prove me how strong you are, I just exactly see your weakness.

So long as it doesn't get to the point where you don't remember whose opera you're listening to, I'm willing to experiment.

A man who says, 'I was wrong,' really in effect says, 'I am a little wiser today than I was yesterday.

I prefer to be busy all day long, and when you work for someone else, you're not busy enough.

We were not a band that typically would say, "Hello, Whatever Town!"

I write the word solitude on my wall and then below it: Do you know me at all? Are my words just air? Is my heart easy to spare?

I hate playing the bass, bro. I've been playing the bass because it's there and I don't want anyone else to play it.

Love trumps logic?" "Every time.