99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.

I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.

Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.

A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.

Just a thought for all you God-fearin', gun-lovin', Bible-thumpin' 2nd Amendment patriots. If it turns out Heaven's a gun-free zone, what's plan B???

God might not be dead, but he's sure as hell missing in action.

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

God doesn't send atheists to Hell -- there's no room with all the Christians down there.

If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community?

If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness

Let me fly with the wings of love or let me drown and die in the love.

I have two great enemies, the Southern Army in front of me and the bankers in the rear. Of the two, the one at my rear is my greatest foe.

One of the privileges of adulthood is that your parents don't get to tell you what to do.

An idea that no one believes can not be proved too often.

Play is the royal road to childhood happiness and adult brilliance.

I also had a tremendous passion for art and read a lot.

I don't want to be home just taking medicine and waiting to die, you know? That's not something I'm about.

We are the only species which, when it chooses to do so, will go to great effort to save what it might destroy.

I tend to not try and listen to a lot of other artists while I'm writing, because if I hear something that's brilliant.