A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Learning new things exercises the brain in such a titillating way.

Anyway, when sophisticated technology fails, primitive technology steps in to do the job.

Calamity is the test of integrity.

Learning is pleasurable but doing is the height of enjoyment.

The doctors and nurses at the Biamba Marie Mutombo Hospital are saving lives every day and helping improve health care in the DRC which has been ravaged by more than a decade of war and disease.

Tunisia is extremely dependent on economic conditions in Europe, which is why it also experienced shockwaves from the euro crisis.

advertising confuses values ... By appealing either to fear, or to vanity, or to covetousness, it very skillfully insinuates false values.

It takes the same energy to think small as it does to think big. So dream big and think bigger.

Oh I've plenty of time, my time is entirely my own.

I dont know about Brad Pitt leaving that beautiful woman to go hold orphans for Angelina. I mean how long is that going to last?