A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

There are a lot of ways to pleasure a woman, ” he said, and his tone suggested we hadn’t even begun. “Hard and raw, soft and sentimental. How can I know what she wants until I see how she reacts?

Don't judge me by the cover, 'cause I'm a real good book.

Protests [against Donald Trump] four nights running.Thousands marching across the country.

seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space

The perfection of any matter, the highest or the lowest, touches on the divine.

We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever. Do our best for the moment, then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later.

Some of the greatest chefs in the world aren't classically trained. Thomas Keller - probably the greatest American chef ever to walk the earth - never went to culinary school. You know?

Why would anyone believe it is possible to lay down such barrage of poisons on the surface of the earth without making it unfit for all life? They should not be called insecticides, but biocides.

Many things can make you rich, but only a few things can enrich you.

When you take a lot of cocaine powder you tend to take a lot of alcohol with it as well, so for many years really I never went out without at least four or five grams of cocaine powder.