A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no fibs.

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

You can't be envious and happy at the same time.

If we cannot shape our destiny there as no such thing as witchcraft.

Glorious the northern lights astream; Glorious the song, when God's the theme; Glorious the thunder's roar: Glorious hosanna from the den; Glorious the catholic amen; Glorious the martyr's gore.

Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty.

We learn more about the character of people on one off day, than on all their best days put together.

A good bathe when you really need it can get you over almost anything.

In and out of dimensions I walk through walls, just saying you can't put me in a box that's all.

I love cable, but not because you can show boobies and say the F-word. I love it because you have more time to think. That's the blessing of it.