A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I don't care what you have done in the past or will do in the future, I will still love you forever.

Living life is a courageous act.

There must be a bad chromosome somewhere in man that urges him to wound that which he can't conquer, deface that which is more beautiful, misunderstand and befoul the work of another.

. . .and he has nevergiven up his conviction that if you just try all the doors one of them is bound to be the Door intoSummer. You know, I think he is right.

She loves you. Do you even know what to do with that?” I kissed the top of her head. “Cherish it like it’s the most precious thing on the face of the earth.

I'm a salty, greasy girl. I give every french fry a fair chance. Could you just lay some lard in my belly?

My music wouldn't sound the way it does if I hadn't had the experience of conducting.

with the true convert, holiness is woven into all his powers, principles, and practice.

I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It's as simple as that.

My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all.