A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

I WILL FOLLOW ANYONEAND REMIND EVERYONEOF THE SUFFERING...OF THE ENSLAVED...YAZIDI WOMEN

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.

Men are a thousand times more intent on becoming rich than on acquiring culture, though it is quite certain that what a man IS contributes more to his happiness than what he HAS.

In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said 'Hey, she stole my speech.'

We Gypsies know that where Jews are killed, Gypsies are always murthered too. And then a lot of other people, usually.

I'm going to get you a broken alarm clock so you'll get up in the morning.

When people say 'I want to be like you', I tell them if you want to be like me, then be yourself.

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.

Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in life.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.