A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can't wait until you're sixty-five.

It doesn't matter if justice is on your side. You have to depict your position as just.

There are people out there who want to say yes. That gave me confidence to keep asking.

Cause a man with a briefcase can steal more money than any man with a gun.

To be 49 years old now and still be called The Kid, that's kind of special.

I think many people have contradictions to them and I love characters that deal with those contradictions.

The American dream only makes sense if you're sleeping.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Aviators live by hours, not by days.

Arnold has had his spokesman call me a crackpot. That was a mistake.