A bland smile is like a green light at an intersection, it feels good when you get one, but you forget it the moment you're past it.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

If a society is to preserve stability and a degree of continuity, it must learn how to keep its adolescents from imposing their tastes, values, and fantasies on everyday life.

To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

I've always been a good returner since my junior days - I don't know why that was.

My first audition was the worst I have ever done, ever.

The metaphor for Palestine is stronger than the Palestine of reality.

I resolve never to make any resolutions because all resolutions are restrictions for the future. All resolutions are imprisonments.

It's not Trump who is insane. It's everybody who is predisposed to hate him.

Habit is the ballast that chains the dog to his vomit.

I have my own life. And I am stronger than you know.

Some other natural rights... [have] not yet entered into any declaration of rights.