A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

With them the individual counted for nothing. No one was irreplaceable, because they drew no distinction between one man and another... In this community there was harmony, but no love.

A writer's occupational hazard: I think of eavesdropping as minding my business.

Buy when most people, including experts, are pessimistic, and sell when they are actively optimistic.

Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.

Would you stop hoping? Hope is just postponed disappointment.

You know you're tired when you fall asleep in the shower.

A true and nonviolent combination of labour would act like a magnet attracting to it all the needed capital.

Have you ever gotten breathless before from a beautiful face, for i see you there, my dear.

News reporters are certainly liberal and left of center.

To do good, you actually have to do something.