A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

Most of the things to guarantee your death have already been done so you can spend the rest of your time focusing on the things that can guarantee your success and happiness.

You must live everyday of your life or you have wasted that many days of your life ...

Having fun is a pretty powerful way to start any serious relationship.

The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ.

The Rolling Stones are so versatile, they're like the band version of that Infinite Dress they sell on QVC.

My family was very unorthodox. My mother was very eccentric and amazing. She always treated us like adults.

When you fully commit, you will make it.

Success is the exponential effect of little things done consistently over time.

People are not going to reelect Barack Obama. But will the new president govern as a real conservative? We're going to have to apply the heat to make sure.

It is good to see two women from Britain's minority ethnic communities fighting in seats that Labour won at the last election.