A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Trust the faith everything will be okay.

Stange how nearsighted being invisible can make you" - said Dumbledore

Teach your child to hold his tongue; he'll learn fast enough to speak.

Children want the same things we want. To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained, and delighted.

Life is a partial, continuous, progressive, multiform and conditionally interactive self-realization of the potentialities of atomic electron states.

I'm off to save the universe again. It's a tough job but someone has to do it, and I'm glad it's me.

The truest test of civilization, culture and dignity is character and not clothing.

When there is no one to remind you what society's rules are, and there is nothing to keep you linked to that society, you had better be prepared for some startling changes.

After being in Harry Potter, I believe a bit more in magic than I did before.

I don't think anybody in the NFL is tied to each other.