A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Oh my God, Green, ” I heard Chubs say from somewhere in the room. “Just take the damn socksand put the kid out of his misery.

Neve, you're wicked, " he groaned as she rocked up against him even harder. "I hope that's not a problem for you, " she panted.

Escape is very difficult to negotiate, underwater.

Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.

In the order named, these are the hardest to control - wine, women and song.

Use the previous techniques in rotation. It will prevent your meditation experience from becoming stale.

I came out of the womb looking for the camera angle

Life has taught me to just be the best I can be.

I'm human. I'm going to miss shots, ... When I miss four (in a row), I've got to feel I can make the fifth one.

Doing less is not being lazy. Don't give in to a culture that values personal sacrifice over personal productivity.