A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.

You may only get this one life – but lived free of submissive reverence – that is still a thing of rampant beauty.

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development.

I'd rather betray the world than let the world betray me.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

It is far pleasanter to injure and afterwards beg forgiveness than to be injured and grant forgiveness. He who does the former gives evidence of power and afterwards of kindness of character.

My sister used to say I had a frail chest and she 'd beat me up all the time.

You are never really with a person unless you are alone with him.

The whole effort of a Jesus or a Buddha or a Bodhidharma is nothing but how to undo that which society has done to you.

I looked at what adults were doing and how they wanted to earn money, and I really didn't want to do that. I wanted to go away.

An individual citizen cannot protect himself from the powers of large corporations or external governments. It is the responsibility of the government to protect its citizens.