A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

It took him a while to figure out that gaining an audience was not the same thing as gaining friends.

You can get what you want or you can just get old.

He wants to be grown-up. How different dreams can be! Nature will soon grant your wish.

I love and really respect strong women. I'm obsessed with Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore and Penelope Cruz. They are just really incredibly strong-willed, intelligent females in the industry.

When you make the claim that something on the Internet is going to be good for democracy, you often [hear], 'Are you talking about the thing with the singing cats?'

Either you're a person wondering if you have a soul, or you're a soul who knows that being a person isn't real.

In architecture as in all other operative arts, the end must direct the operation. The end is to build well. Well building has three conditions: Commodity, Firmness and Delight.

My voice has gotten better from smoking.

They gave themselves up to the stars the way swimmers can surrender to the waves, and the stars took them without resistance.

I got into foul trouble, so I really kind of had to play on egg shells from there on out.