A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The man in our society is the breadwinner; the woman has enough to do as the homemaker, wife and mother.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Love encompasses so much, reaches so far, and heals so deeply, that any attempt to describe it, no matter how poetic, only dilutes it.

If this was my forever, I didn't want to spend another second of it here.

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Success is a lot of things. In my personal life it is to have my own family with me, to give all my best to let my daughter have a better life than me, better choices.

Women never really care to face the truth when their hearts are involved.

When I am on the road and heading to my next venue, I think about my audience.

Life is not about dwelling on the bad.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

Your work is your own private megaphone to tell the world what you believe.

An important job of the critic is to savage what is mediocre or meretricious.